I am blessed to have such wonderfully inspiring people in my life. One of the women, TN Kim, who has provided me with hope and freedom, sent me a note via Facebook that I read this morning. Her words and message cause me to joy dance, twirling and saying “Yes! Yes! Yes!” in the kitchen as I get cereal for the children, in the carport as I listen to my husband’s daily task list, here in the office as I type. It brings tears of gratitude and connection. She is my gift from God.
She is a journey girl like me, making connections and sharing the journey with a “thin filter,” as I’ve been told I do repeatedly during October. In my quirky Cindy way, I recite what I consider as my life intent when I faced with such rejection and judgment, when I need to remember. I wrote it about four years ago, during a dark time in my life. It just came out. Now it has become a sort of prayer, more solidified in word, emotion and action.
I, Cindy, promise to openly share to the best of my ability my life journey with honesty and integrity, through joys and sorrows. I promise, above all else, to love people, to find God and His Goodness in them, in the world’s ugliness and beauty, in all circumstances presented to me. I do this with the hope of walking closer to God and with God. I pray I will shine His love for all to see despite my self. All glory goes to Him.
This sort of openness has lead, of course, to judgment and ridicule. I’ve been told I offend and that I need to reign it in because my posts are too open and family and friends read them. Anderson, my brother-in-law, says that blogs are not monitored by the SEC or the FCC so I can write what I want. If I offend, don’t tune in. That’s stinkin’ cool. I needed to hear it put in fun Anderson way, using football parallels. When he said this, I wanted to hug his neck hard until his head popped off.
TN Kim has experienced something similar. She’s been told that she reveals too much. She writes,
“Because, I was told, if I reveal myself, especially the ugly stuff, then what I say might get misconstrued…that someone might say something bad about me. And, yes, that’s already happened.”
This is the ‘Me too’ moment. TN Kim goes onto say,
“And that’s ok. Because there are always going to be those people who want to throw stones. They’ve got their ugly stuff too…they’re just not willing to admit it or share it yet.”
I love it that she uses the word ‘yet.’It gives me hope for my growth and for other’s growth. She sites the adulteress parable saying,
“The Bible points out that the older men were the first to walk away. Interesting…maybe once they began recalling their own sin, they could no longer condemn her…and they knew that they didn’t want their sin revealed.”
“…the longer we keep our junk to ourselves…the longer we keep putting our masks back over our faces…the longer we pretend to have it all together, the more we allow Satan to come in and perpetuate his lies. Satan wants us to hide from each other and become isolated and not live in real Christian community by either trying to make us think that our junk is worse than other people’s junk, or if you’re stuck in the pride of legalism that your junk isn’t nearly as bad as anyone else’s. But both are lies from the enemy, and both lies cause isolation.”
Her goal, her intent comes directly from the Bible, not some great brain spew like mine. She reminds me that God is working in all of us and that His plans will not be thwarted. His plan is that we all will be healed and whole.
“James 5:16 says to pray for each other but also to confess our sins to each other so that you can live together whole and healed.”
Her honesty about her fear when revealing and confessing her sins touches a deep place in me. I, too, have felt bound by legalism. I, too, have allowed to a certain extent the adoption of these “if/then” rules in order to keep peace and comfortability. I want to be loved, supported, accepted for the hot mess I honestly am. Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen that way. Kim says
“You’ll be rejected and judged. And that’s a hard place to be.” This is another ‘Me too’ moment. She, then offers this advice, “If you’re in that spot, all I have to say is, “Run!” Run into the arms of your loving Abba who knows all your junk and loves you anyway. And He will show you the path out of the legalism and bondage. He will set you free.”
This reminds me of a phrase from Amy, another woman who unknowingly provides me with inspiration and encouragement, “Take it to the throne, not the phone.”
I am so grateful for Kim’s light this morning. I am so humbled. I believe that she has answered my prayer of “Let your voice, My Father, be heard above my own and the world’s.” God worked through her to reach me at a time when I was struggling with bent back and heavy shoulders. I’m okay.
Kim ends her note with the call I call and desperately attempt to own daily.
Let’s fling open wide the closet doors. I’m not afraid of the skeletons in your closet, and I’m not afraid of those in mine. Find someone to share your story with. They need to hear it, and you need to share it. Be real. Be honest. Be open. It’s freeing for everyone.